first love
by Alexandra Shinai
Summary: / "but the threads that are barely holding him together are starting to unravel." / sad oneshot. rated T for mention of suicide. purposely written in all lowercase.


**Sad oneshot. This may seem unrealistic because of Jade's attitude. But let's just pretend that she's nice.**

his new girlfriend will never compare to his first love.

he can feel a twinge of pain when he thinks about her. she was his whole world, his everything.

her smile lit up a dark room, so beautiful, only filled with love and kindness.

her heart was pure. she always cared about everyone, even though at times it may not have seemed like it.

he loved the way she felt wrapped in his embrace, her small figure warm against his body, her hair splayed out over the pillow, her skin almost glowing.

sometimes during class, she'd reach for his arm, and put his arm around her. she would snuggle into his side, and he would kiss the top of her head, and she would smile.

their relationship was strained at times though. when he would talk to his friends and not her, she'd watch them in disappointment, an unseen tear shining on her eyelashes. but she would wipe it away, and smile like nothing happened.

when he talked to the one girl that picked on her, acting friendly with her, she would nearly cry. that one, unseen tear would slide down her face. there would only be a few tears before she wiped them away and pretended to smile.

sometimes, for her, you would have to read between the lines.

unfortunately, one day, he forgot to. in fact, he forgot to be there for her.

he forgot how sensitive she was, however, she almost never showed this sensitive side of herself, it was buried underneath walls of sunshine and happiness, carefully built up, but able to break without him.

but it was a surprise. he wasn't talking to her so he wouldn't accidentally spill his plan. he had told his friends about it, and they all encouraged it.

he was going to "pop the question."

he was going to ask her to marry him. he couldn't imagine being with anyone else. she was like an angel sent from heaven just for him. he couldn't lose her.

but that day, after not talking to her, she randomly disappeared.

she was in their scriptwriting class, sitting there, looking bored. this was unusual, since she loved that class.

after that class was over, she was gone.

he left as well, went to her house to look for her.

he found a note taped to her door, addressed to his name.

it said,

_i'm so sorry._

he tried to open the door, but it was locked. so he tried to beat it down. after several tries, he finally managed to break it open, his right shoulder throbbing in agony. he ignored this pain.

his heart dropped to his feet when his eyes adjusted to the sight.

she was laying on the bed, curled up almost in the same position that she was in when he held her close at night. the only difference was the empty pill bottle lying on the floor a few feet away from the bed, and the wound on her cheek.

he quickly crawled onto the bed and grabbed her wrist to feel for a pulse.

nothing.

a lump formed in his throat as he grabbed her other wrist, desperately trying to find a pulse, silently praying. still nothing.

he tried to find a pulse in her neck.

nothing.

this was when he knew she was gone. the angel had slipped out of his grasp.

and he cried.

he cried when he was gently cleaning the blood from her wound, which he wasn't exactly sure how it had gotten there, but it didn't matter.

he cried when he looked at her body, still on the bed, almost peaceful. he hoped that she would be happy. he missed her so much already.

he cried when he kissed her forehead, not caring that it was cold, not caring when one of his tears fell onto her forehead.

he cried at her funeral, unable to make a speech because he was crying too hard.

he was absent from school for many days, trying to keep her in his memory. every memory of her seemed to slip away gradually, as if someone was pulling them through his fingers, away from him, trying to get him to move on.

he never really moved on.

sure, he went to school, and he got a new girlfriend, and he still put his whole soul into acting, but it just felt empty. he felt hollow.

especially when he sees her locker. he nearly cries when he sees it. he demanded to the school that they not just give it up to a new student, instead, he said they should leave it decorated how it is and put a plaque on it in her memory.

but the threads that are barely holding him together are starting to unravel.

eventually, he finds her again.


End file.
